My Nathan brother always wanted to be abducted by aliens.
He is also infamous for saying, "I believe in love the way most people believe in aliens. It's possible, but it won't happen to me."
His girlfriend called me.
Girlfriend: "Laura! I want to abduct Nate dressed like aliens, but I don't know what to do after that. I appeal to the unspoken girl code to demand your assistance!"
Laura: (smirk, wheels turning) "Well, what kinds of activities do aliens do?"
On that fateful night, we invaded Nate's apartment (yes, dressed like aliens), blind-folded him, and carted him away. Somehow he managed to grab a video camera on the way out. He turned it on and started documenting his abduction. (sadly the videos were lost, but if you know Nate, you can imagine.)
"It's so dark..." (his voice wavering) "I'm gonna die."
Our first stop: To pick up a lawnmower. We locked Nate in the car while we loaded it up. Still blindfolded, he enjoyed himself making panicked commentary about whatever we were loading and his inevitable demise.
On the way to our next stop, we paused at a stop sign and Nate suddenly bolted from the car. STILL BLINDFOLDED, he ran headlong down the street, screaming exultations of freedom. Somehow miraculously avoiding running into a telephone pole or passing car, he totally left us in his dust. It took us half an hour to track him down.
"I have been recaptured. My captors are merciless, slimy cretins, but they have chosen to keep me alive... for now. Fiends!!! Take me to your leader."
We chose the largest park in our city---a HUGE grassy basin bigger than a football stadium. You should have seen the look on Nate's face when we pulled the lawnmower out and told him we were going to make a crop circle. His mouth dropped open.
"Wait... Are you serious?"
Laughing so hard he could barely walk, he pushed the mower to the center of the field and revved her up. It only took 10 minutes, which was a good thing, because the police showed up right as we were driving out, lawnmower hanging out of the trunk. They didn't notice us, but we definitely took the back way home.
(Even if we'd been caught, technically Nathan was forced to make the crop circle under duress. ^_^)
Came back the next morning to take pictures. The pattern was too big to get full picture from the ground, but you can kinda see two of the circles here... Next time imma set the grass cutter to the lowest possible setting.
Notes to self:
Next time I abduct someone, add an interrogation section. Also feed them brains, poke them with cold fingers, spray them with glow-in-the-dark bubble residue and drop them off in the middle of a large field wearing this:
That would be an awesome hitch hiking story.
Categories:
Chapter 1 - I Work in a Cubicle
